Count One Thousand Legs (And Break Off Seven)
by Angry Pencil Wielder
Summary: Three years ago, the monster known as Mukade made his bloody debut. Now, he continues his one man war against the CCG. But when the feared Centipede encounters Anteiku, will the carnage spread or can redemption find the shattered man that is Kaneki Ken? (Au where Kaneki was born a hybrid and terrorized Tokyo as The Centipede) Hiatus until I catch up on the manga
1. Prologue: The Bird And The Worm

Prologue: The Bird And The Worm

 ** _Pre-Story Notes:_** _Mukade (Centipede): Kaneki's CCG name._

 _Jason (after Friday the 13th): Oomori Yakumo's CCG name._

 ** _"The bird fights it's way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born, must first destroy a world." -Tokyo Ghoul_**

* * *

 _/ Out of his mind away / Pushes him whispering / Must have been out of his mind / Mid-day delusions of pushing this out of his head / Maybe out of his mind /_

* * *

 _"One thousand... minus... seven..."_

 _"Nine hundred... three... minus... seven..."_

 _"Eight... hundred... six... minus... seven..."_

* * *

 _/ All alone he turns to stone / While holding his breath half to death / Terrified of whats inside / To save his life he crawls / Like a worm from a bird /_

* * *

Pain.

Nothing but pain.

 _It hurts._

For ten days. For ten days he sat there, limp against the ropes. Too weak to even hold himself up.

Kaneki Ken, only fifteen years old, and already well versed in the horrors of the world.

But this was nothing like what he'd faced before.

In the tender care of 'Jason', Kaneki was introduced to a whole new level of hell.

Picked off the streets, the psycho gave no reason or rhyme for torturing Kaneki other than the sadistic pleasure of it.

Yet throughout his painful stay, the boy noticed little things. Little things that equated to a bigger picture, that Jason was not acting alone. That there was someone (or someones) behind it all.

Those thoughts didn't last long, as Jason only offered short breaks to feed himself before the game continued, chopping him up bit by bloody bit.

Goodbye fingers.

Goodbye toes.

Goodbye sanity.

One by one, Jason severed them from Kaneki's being, until there was nothing left. Until he was dead.

 _"Am I dead?"_ he wondered. _"If I was dead, wouldn't the pain stop? Or maybe I'm in hell. Aren't ghouls supposed to go to hell? I wasn't that bad of a person, was I?"_

Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't.

He'd killed people.

 _"I had to. I had to eat to survive. Kill or be killed, predator and prey. I was just doing what nature designed me to do. Should I be condemned for that?"_

It made sense, didn't it?

 _"I guess I am damned..."_

He felt like he was floating. A short break in the storm of agony. Flouting in an empty white nothing.

 ** _"Oh no baby, you're not damned."_**

Kaneki weakly lifted his head, his mis-matched eyes flicking around, searching for the origin of the voice.

 _"Mom?"_

 ** _"I'm here baby."_**

Where?

 _"Where?"_

 ** _"Here."_**

Kaneki's eyes landed on a soft warm glow not far from him. Not far, but also an eternity away. He couldn't reach it. Couldn't reach _her_."

 _"Mom?"_

The light became brighter, just a little bit.

 ** _"I'm here Ken. I'm here. I'm not going to leave you."_**

For the first time since his mother died, three agonizing years ago, he felt hope.

 _"I love you mom."_

 ** _"I know. I love you too. My darling boy."_** She murmured, voice full of comfort and warmth. **_"But you're gonna have to be strong."_**

 ** _"My brave, brave little boy. I know you can do it. Be strong, fight back. Take hold of your heritage, and use it."_**

 _"Didn't you tell me not to do that? Not to let my ghoul side control me?"_

 ** _"I did, but right now, I want you to live. If you have to throw away your humanity, so be it. I just want you alive. But remember, you can decide if you are a monster. Don't let it control you. You're stronger than that."_**

The confidence she had in him, the hope she instilled in him with her words, gave Kaneki that strength to pull himself from the comforting whiteness, and face the world beyond.

As the white slowly faded into grey, the warm glow morphed into the figure of a woman with long black hair and soft loving eyes.

 ** _"I love you, my son."_**

The black overtook him.

 _"I love you too."_

* * *

 _/ All he knows /_ _If he can't relieve it it grows /_ _and so it goes /_

 _/ He crawls like a worm /_

 _/ Crawls like a worm from the bird /_

* * *

The battle between Jason and Kaneki was furious, bloody, and nothing less than a massacre.

There was no contest. The four tails, deadlier than any other kagune with their venom and wickedly sharp legs, ripped Jason apart.

The living corpse left behind was soon devoured by teeth instead of kagune. While the flesh tasted bitter, energy flooded Kaneki's drained system.

Done with his meal, Kaneki decided to make a grand introduction in the world of monster. He'd send the CCG a warning that there was a new player on the board, and he was not to be fucked with.

With little difficulty, Kaneki dragged the half eaten corpse out of the building in which he'd been imprisoned, and under the cover of dark, decorated the 12th's CCG headquarters with a nice new flag.

And so The Centipede was born...

* * *

 _/ He crawls like a worm /_

 _/ Crawls like a worm /_

 _/ Crawls like a worm from a bird /_

* * *

 ** _"I seriously...seriously thought it was better to die" -Kaneki_**

 _~End~_

 ** _A.N._** Short but it's a prologue.

My first Tokyo Ghoul fic, and I must say, I'm really enjoying it thus far. I only finished the anime a few days ago, and loved it enough to write for it. Since I've yet to read the manga, this story will be based on the anime and what I can find on the wiki. If you guys point out any inaccuracies, I'll most likely fix it. But this _is_ an au, and if the differentiation is needed for this story, I'll keep it.

I've found that I really like the line breaks being song lyric, so those are going to appear in every chapter.

 **Warnings:** Teen (TV-14) for violence, gore, and strong but scarce profanity. Possible romance, pairings undecided.

 **Song:** _'The Bird And The Worm'_ by The Used

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Tokyo Ghoul or the song.


	2. Chapter 1: Carnivore

**Pre-Story A.N.** _Just a heads up, I'm going to be calling Kaneki by his CCG codename Mukade a lot. I'll go more in depth on why he refers to himself as Mukade, but basically Kaneki feels responsible for his parent's death (more on that in later chapters), and after all the horrible things he's done, he feels unworthy of his name. Instead, he's slowly morphing into the persona of Mukade, The Centipede. It isn't until Anteiku enters his life does Kaneki begin to feel he's worthy of his name again._

* * *

 **Chapter One: Carnivore**

* * *

 ** _"What's wrong isn't me, what's wrong is the world!" -Kaneki Ken_**

* * *

 _/ All my life they let me know / How far I would not go /_

 _/ But inside the beast still grows waiting /_

 _/ Chewing through the ropes /_

* * *

The night was soft and comforting, the dark cocooning around Mukade as he walked silently through the streets of the 20th ward.

He hadn't been there long. Mukade was a wanderer by circumstance, never staying still for long.

It was much too dangerous.

Yet the relatively peaceful aura held by the 20th was a welcome change to the ruthless nature of the 13th he'd recently left.

He actually missed it a bit. The feeling of being a shark among guppies, so much stronger than any other creature there. It was an empowering feeling. Every ghoul knew of him. Every one stayed clear of his path. Mukade hadn't bothered to lay claim to hunting grounds. He didn't need to. He was strong enough that any ghoul he came across would flee the moment they saw him.

No need to fear when you're the apex predator.

That didn't stop CCG from their endless quest to find and kill him. It had been a deadly game of cat and mouse for three years now. In that time several bloody battles had been waged between them. All ended in a slaughter.

Mukade himself never escaped uninjured, but the CCG were always worse off. He'd long lost count of how many he'd killed. And not just on CCG's planned attacks.

He'd killed and eaten every investigator he'd come across since becoming a kakuja. The number could be past one hundred by now. Of course CCG could only account for the few dozen he'd killed in the three times the CCG led an operation to destroy him.

The last operation had been over a year ago, and it seemed that the CCG had really and truly lost his trail.

What wasn't so.

Just a week ago, they found his hiding spot within the 13th. The battle had been ferocious.

Even now, Mukade felt soreness in his left arm from it being cut off and walked with a limp due to the lower half of his body being nearly cut off, something that would have been fatal to any other ghoul.

It had only taken Mukade a few hours to regrow everything, but another few days for his body to become strong enough to support his weight.

It hadn't helped that in that time he had to hide in a sewer system without food to aid with his healing.

The moment he could walk without falling over, Mukade hunted.

Human meat wouldn't be sufficient enough to heal him fast enough, so he'd sought after to greatest taboo among ghouls.

Cannibalism.

It had taken three B-class ghouls to give him the strength enough to leave the 13th and make the trek to the 20th.

The move was the most logically decision. The 20th ward was known for it's docility. CCG wouldn't think to look for him there.

Docile and Centipede just didn't go together.

The 20th would offer him a breather to heal, and throw the CCG from his trail. The ward was the only one he hadn't been to aside from the first three.

Mukade had traveled all around the others, even the near inhospitable 4th. That, of course, had been to visit the mask-maker Uta for his original mask and then the 'several' repairs he needed since.

The eccentric man had once told him he didn't know anyone who broke their mask more often than Ken did.

 _"You've actually impressed me. Ruined it eleven times in the three years you've had this."_ The mask-maker had said with the closest thing to approbation Mukade had ever seen grace the man's usually unreadable expression.

Mukade's lip curled just the slightest into a smile. Uta was a ghoul he could actually call a friend.

That didn't mean he trusted the mask-maker. Then again, Mukade didn't really trust anyone.

In reality, he didn't like ghouls. He didn't like humans either.

They both reminded him of his failures, of the world he was alienated from, and the monster he knew he was.

 _Not ghoul, nor human. An abomination._

Yet there were a select few who could push those feelings from Mukade enough for him to actually enjoy their company.

He continued down the dark streets of the sleeping ward toward the small apartment he'd rented a few days prior.

He took a wrong step and a small flash of pain shot through his left leg and hip. Even with his advance healing abilities, the wounds he'd sustained had nearly killed him, leaving what should have been a painful reminded behind. But Mukade's nerves had long since dulled themselves to the feeling.

The pain was annoying, nothing more. Mukade had felt agony far worse. After the torture Jason had put the young half-ghoul through, he could probably withstand anything with a grin.

Pulling up the hood of his jacket, he continued on into the night.

Unknown to the half-ghoul, a pair of glowing red eyes watched his retreating form.

* * *

 _/ Who are you to change this world? / Silly Boy! / No one needs to hear your words. /_

 _/ Let it go. /_

* * *

The morning was bright and cheerful, filled with birdsong and laughter. Inside the cozy cafe known as Anteiku, people sat drinking coffee, chatting with friends, or simply enjoying the day.

It wasn't an extremely busy day at the coffee shop, but it was enough to send a pleasant buzz of intermingling voices accented with the soft chime of china-glass cups.

Leisurely going from table to table to take orders was a pretty young girl with blue tinted black hair, while a thick built man moved to and fro behind the bar, making customers their order. Watching quietly from the back doorway stood an elder gentleman, a serene smile gracing his lips as he watched the harmony between human and ghoul, one oblivious, the other content to simply be.

It was nice, what Anteiku had. The peace instilled between two warring species, the small breath of relief between the hostility. The cafe was a haven, as it was meant to be.

That was why the slight change in the cheery atmosphere felt so drastic to even the oblivious humans when a single man stepped into the shop.

None could place why, just that they suddenly felt on edge. The humans felt hair raise on the back of their necks, an instinctual reaction for prey in being stalked by a fierce predator.

The ghouls, on the other hand, didn't just feel the goosebumps, but the thick smell of something powerful.

It was terrifying, yet in its own way addicting.

All eyes turned to watch the newcomer walk in and take a seat, some gazes more discreet than others. The ghouls' noses flair as they tried to catch the newcomer's scent. Ghoul, yet...not?

A few heartbeats passed before the tension suddenly dissipated and things returned to their cheerful norm.

All relaxed, except for four, their eyes locked on the white haired man sitting alone.

The young waitress swallowed her nerves and approached the new arrival. As she came closer, she realized he couldn't be much older than herself. His white hair somehow looked both unnatural and perfectly normal. It suited him, as if there was no other colour that could ever match.

His dull olive-grey eyes took in everything, cataloging, memorizing.

The waitress cleared her throat, preparing to ask the man for his order, when he interrupted her.

"What's your name?" He asked, his voice soft and eerily soothing.

"K-Kirishima Touka."

The man regarded her from the corner of his eye, a not-quite smile gracing his thin lips.

"Now, what can I get you?" Pressed Touka, uncomfortable with the current topic.

"Hmm? Oh. A coffee please."

Touka bit back her irritation at his dismissive attitude. "What kind? We have several brews and flavors."

The man half shrugged. "Surprise me."

Grinding her teeth, Touka turned on her heels to relay the order to her coworker at the bar. "What's eating you?" He asked, noting her sour mood.

"Nothing Koma. That guy just pisses me off." She grumbled.

"He is an odd one." Mused Koma. "But it's not in Anteiku's nature to turn away a customer."

Touka sighed. "Yeah." Her fellow ghoul handed her the order. She set the warm cup on her serving trey and walked back to the silent man.

The delicious scent wafering from the china-glass let Touka know Koma had brewed a columbian dark, no sugar, no milk. A drink most ghouls favored.

Touka vaguely wondered how he would react if Koma _had_ put something in it. Would he spit it out like any other ghoul?

Was he even a ghoul?

He smelt like one, yet there was something else there. Just enough to question the nature of the man's existence.

Touka set the cup down beside the stranger without a word. He gave a soft 'thank you' that Touka hardly noticed as she hurried away.

Something about that man just set her on edge.

She glanced behind her to see the man pour in a small amount of sugar into the drink. Not a ghoul then.

Unless he was forcing it down for show. But who would he pretend for? Touka looked around for any clues. No one.

It seemed the only ones still watching him were herself, the manager, Koma (from the corner of his eye) and... oh, damn. _Rize._

Touka glowered at the lavender haired ghoul. Every since that _bitch_ came to the 20th... And now she was staring like a love-struck school girl at sweet-tooth over there.

Touka was snapped from her brooding with the sudden hush that settled over the shop. She glanced up to see all eyes were on the television currently broadcasting a news program.

 _"The CCG has finally released the details of the attack on the 13th ward earlier this week."_ Said a pretty blonde human on the screen. _"A force of two dozen Special Class Investigators organized an attack on the SS ranked ghoul codenamed Centipede."_

Murmurs echoes through the cafe at the ghoul's name. The Centipede was one of the most well-known and feared ghouls to stalk Tokyo.

" _Reports from witnesses state that the battle completely destroyed the apartment in which the ghoul has supposedly been hiding, along with much of the surrounding area. So far eighteen civilian casualties have been reported, along with the six CCG agents that fell to The Centipede's rampage."_

"That's quite the kill-score he's got." Whispered Koma to Touka. "Supposably he's responsible for the death of almost forty doves."

Touka rolled her eyes. "Supposably. We all know how things get exaggerated. The CCG is probably using Centipede to further the point that ghouls are mindless monsters."

Koma shrugged. "Still, the fact they're admitting to so many deaths kinda runs the risk of making them look weak."

Any reply Touka had was cut off with the news-caster's next words.

 _"It has also been released that The Centipede has been ranked up to a class SSS ghoul. To only other ghoul in all of Japan to be ranked this high is the infamous One-Eyed Owl. There are only a handful of SSS rated ghouls world-wide. We can only watch and wait to see if the Centipede becomes as big a threat as the One-Eyed Owl was ten years ago."_

The shop became deathly still. Touka felt her blood run cold. That... wasn't possible. Her gaze drifted to the white haired stranger. He was staring at the television, an unreadable expression on his face.

Touka watched in horror as the slightest smile curled at the corner of the man's mouth.

Something was very, very _wrong_.

* * *

 _/ Carnivore! Carnivore! /_

 _/ Won't you come digest me? / Take away everything I am. /_

 _/ Bring it to an end. /_

* * *

Cold blue eyes roved over the words printed before them. Their owner took in the information without emotion.

Arima Kishou's face remained as apathetic as ever while reading over the newest report on Mukade, _The Centipede_.

It seemed the ghoul had escaped once more, fleeing the 13th ward to god know where.

A thin finger reached up absently to brush against a medical patch beneath his eye.

Mukade was truly a deadly monster. The only ghoul to make the famed Death Reaper bleed. Even if it was only a cut, it was just deep enough to scar.

The slightest bit of a smile graced Arima's expression. In all his time with the CCG, only the One-Eyed Owl had managed to injure him. That was, until now.

The Centipede was growing into a powerful advisory. One that a small part of Arima wanted to watch blossom. Yet his duty as a CCG Investigator was to exterminate the ghoul as soon as possible.

Arima Kishou would do his job, as he had sworn to, and destroy the monster known as Centipede.

Even if the tiny part wished for him to live.

At least until he was strong enough to truly give Arima a challenge.

The cut was stroked once more.

He remembered when he'd first met the ghoul...

* * *

 _It was just near sunset when a shriek was heard echoing throughout the 1st Ward. On the very steps of the CCG's headquarters, stood a ghoul. He was small, with start white hair and a bird-like mask, right eye covered._

 _From his back twisted six red tentacle-type rinkaku. Withering between the extra limbs were four more tentacles, longer than the six and decorated in wickedly sharp claws. The twisted things looked like the segmented body of a centipede._

 _And thus the ghoul was given his name._

 _He clung to a tall flagpole outside the CCG building, proudly waving the Japanese flag. Gripped between several tentacles was a bleeding body. Without regard for the symbol, the ghoul tore the flag from its home and impaled the body onto the pole._

 _Blood and gore splattered everywhere._

 _The ghoul didn't even glance at the red spray as he leapt from the pole and vanished into the darkness of the city._

 _The onlookers where too shocked to go after him. Instead all present stared in shock at the half eaten body of S-ranked ghoul, codename 'Jason'._

 _Only Arima viewed the grizzly scene calmly. He stared into the dark in which the ghoul had vanished._

 _Arima knew, this was far from the last time he would see Mukade._

Truly, a monster...

* * *

 _/ I will hide myself below / I'll be what you wanted / Kept inside I won't let go /_

 _/ 'Till I burn beyond control /_

* * *

Long lavender hair swayed with the movements of a humming young woman. Kamishiro Rize was in a _very_ good mood. Not only did she have a date planned with a rather succulent looking you man the next night, but she'd heard some of the most interesting news.

The Centipede was an SSS!

It made the famed ghoul all the more tempting.

Rize was a flirt by nature. She used her body and charm to lure in food. But fellow ghouls were just as much fun to tempt, even if she didn't eat them. They could still be so much fun!

Of course she'd yet to find a man (or even woman) to hold her attention for long. Rize's appetite was inexhaustible, for both meat and romance.

The Centipede might just be the thing to finally sate her hunger.

After all, she'd always had a problem with biting off more than she could chew.

The purple haired ghoul giggled at the slack jawed expressions of a pair of young men she passed.

 _"People stare at me like they've never seen a walking goddess."_ She thought with a grin.

Her smile twisted into something deadly and sadistic. _"But a goddess needs a god by her side. Preferably a god of carnage and blood."_

* * *

 _/ Never enough / (Who I am is not good enough) / Never enough / (Who I am) /_

 _/ Take away everything I am. / Everything I am. /_

* * *

 ** _"'This world is survival of the fittest. The strong eat.' 'Who is strong?'_**

 ** _I am. Me." -Kaneki, Ch. 100_**

* * *

 _~End~_

 **A.N.** _So I kinda cut open my right pointer finger Friday. Which hurt like a bitch, and has made it a pain to type. DX Yet I'm writing anyway. I just love you guys that much._

 _Sorry if Arima seems a bit OOC. While he most certainly hasn't shown it yet, I believe Ishida once described Arima as a sadist. Let me know if I'm misinformed. I just thought that a dark side of Arima would be a good addition._

 _Special thanks to xxxDreamingflowerxxx for all her help on TG info, Japanese culture, and just bouncing ideas off of._

 _I'll be using quite a few TG theories in this story. I'll let you know which ones and where to find them once they come up._

 _I've also started on the manga, but I'm not very far, so it there's anything you feel I've left out or miss-used, let me know._

 _Love you guys! R &R!_

 **Rize's Quote:** Tumblr user _aklivumbi_

 **Song:** _'Carnivore'_ by Starset.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Tokyo Ghoul or the song.


	3. Chapter 2: Maybe I'm Crazy

**Chapter Two: Crazy**

 ** _Pre-Story Notes:_** _Mukade (Centipede): Kaneki's CCG name._

 ** _"Never trust anyone too much. Remember, the Devil was once an Angel."_**

/ _I remember when / I remember / I remember when I lost my mind /_

 _/ There was something so pleasant about that place /_

 _/ Even your emotions had an echo /_

 _/ In so much space /_

 _'Blood tastes like sugar...'_ Mukade paused with the thought, said crimson dripping down his chin and staining his hands.

"It tastes like sugar." He mused, licking blood from his hands. And it did.

Blood tastes like sugar... Sugar tastes like blood...

"Huh..." Blood and sugar, two of his favorite tastes. Due to his mixed nature, Mukade could eat almost anything a human could. Things like cheese and milk still tasted disgusting, but most every other food he could handle with no problem. There were some that he actually really enjoyed. But sugar was the best.

Not the fake, pink packaged stuff, but the natural cane sugar. He could eat it all day. Yes, Mukade has a massive sweet tooth.

Mukade tore the heart from his victum, eyeing the dead organ. He squeezed it just the tinies amount, making blood spew out onto his face.

Whipping it off with a thumb, Mukade stared at the drops of red. "Odd. I never noticed before." He licked the drops form his fingers.

Shrugging, he continued with his meat, biting into the heart like it were an apple. It took less than an hour for the corpse to be rendered to nothing but a few bones. Even the majority of the ivory pieces were eaten.

Rising to his feet Mukade headed back to his temporary home, eager to clean the gore from his body.

 _'Blood really starts to stink after a while.'_

Rubbing his face clean as best he could, it took Mukade a few seconds longer than normal to notice his tail.

He sniffed the air. Another ghoul was following him not too far away. Female, and strong. Perhaps as high as an S-ranked. Her soft footsteps rang loudly in his sensitive ears.

To normal ghouls she might be stealthy, but to an enhanced half-breed like him, she sounded like she was stumbling around in the dark.

Mukade diverged from his original path, leader her in the opposite direction of his home. A few minutes later, he felt he was in a secluded enough area to confront her.

Mukade stopped suddenly, his back to the unknown ghoul. "You an come out now."

He called in monotone.

"Aww, I was hoping to surprise you." Came the pouting reply.

Mukade turned around slowly, his single kakugan glinting in the moonlight. He'd angled his head just so that she couldn't see his normal olive-grey eye.

When his left eye once again faded to normal, Mukade faced her fully. "Who are you?" He asked, his tone lightly bordering on hostile. No need for a fight. _Yet._

"Kamishiro Rize, though Rize is just fine." She said semi-flirtatiously. She casually sauntered up to him, her magenta tinged eyes glinting much like a cat's. "You've caught my interest, Centipede-san."

Mukade regarded her from the corner of his eye, not impressed. "I'm not interested in a relationship." He stated bluntly.

"Who said anything about a relationship? I just wanted to share a simple hunt with the famed Mukade."

"Thanks, but I already ate."

Rize laughed. "That shouldn't stop you! Someone like you, you should eat as much as you want!"

Mukade's eyes flashed in recognition. So this was the Binge Eater. "Sorry, but I'm not a glutton like you."

The Binge Eater pouted. "Glutton is such a harsh word. I prefer... food enthusiast."

Mukade suppressed an eye-roll. "What you call yourself doesn't matter, I'm not interested."

Rize sighed. "Well, the offer still stands."

Mukade watched with no ounce of contrition as she sauntered away. He honestly hoped their paths wouldn't cross again.

 _/ And when you're out there / Without care / Yeah, I was out of touch /_

 _/ But it wasn't because I didn't know enough /_

 _/ I just knew too much /_

Rize was disappointed. Vehemently so.

She was so close, and he rejected her. Just like that!

She was a powerful, attractive ghoul. What more could a man want?! She wasn't overly pushy, had a fine figure, could more than handle herself in a fight, and really do wonders in bed.

Yet he regarded her as nothing but an annoyance. It was infuriating!

Ah well, at least she had a nice dinner date planned in a bit. Speaking of, she needed to hurry off to meet the delicious young man.

A few hours later found Rize strolling beside said delicious young man. The two chatted as he graciously 'walked her home'. Such nice food.

The boy was lively, but not overly so. Silky brown hair and kind eyes, he was a gentle man to the fullest, and had the perfect muscle to fat ratio to go with it.

The duo passed through a construction site. A perfect location for dinner. Rize pulled her date to a stop, a gentle smile gracing her lips.

"I have a secret I want to tell you." She whispered to the boy. He looked shocked, but eagerly leaned in to hear said secret.

Rize's grin grew wicked. She brushed her cheek against his, her lips tickling his ear. "You look absolutly delicious."

With that, her kagune strung out and wrapped around her prey. He cried out as she took a large bite into his neck.

The boy stumbled away, watching in horror as Rize laughed, lapping up the sweet blood from her hands.

However, her laughter was cut short with the pained groan of metal and the crushing weight a six hundred pounds of steel crushing her to the dirt.

 _/ Does that make me crazy / Does that make me crazy / Does that make me crazy /_

 _/ Possibly /_

 _/ Probably /_

Mukade stepped into the quant coffee shop, the delicious smells of Anteiku flooding his senses.

The ghoul run shop was hands-down the best he'd ever been to.

Mukade was both annoyed and pleased to see it was the same short-tempered waitress as yesterday bustling about and taking orders.

He took the same corner seat as he did the day before, eyes roving around the shop's patrons as he waited for the waitress.

What was her name again? Ah! Touka. That was it.

Mukade watched the calm goings-on of customers. The ratio of ghoul to human was about even.

It was easy to tell which was which, and not just by smell. Ghouls only drank straight black coffee, while most of the humans had ordered small breakfasts as well.

Mukade was grateful he could stomach such foods. It made tricking the CCG even easier.

Centipedes were masters of concealment, and so was he. It would take a sharp eye to pick him out of the crowd, and most likely he'd just be registered as a normal ghoul, and not the feared SSS monster.

Touka approached his table, a look of disdain on her face. She really didn't like him.

Mukade wondered why. He'd never done anything to tick her off. Hell, he'd been polite to her! Yet her mood remained sower.

"What can I get you?" She snapped.

Mukade huffed a laugh. "Same as last time, I suppose. It was good."

Touka spun on her heels, ready to be away from him, when he stopped her with a call.

"Why do you dislike me so much?" Asked Mukade, genuinely curious.

"I don't dislike you." Defended the woman.

"Of course not."

The blue haired ghoul turned to face him fully, her gaze livid. "Okay, so yeah I dislike you. But it's because of things like that that piss me off. So either stop with the holier-than-thou attitude or save if for when I'm not around!"

Mukade's laughter seemed to take her off guard. She stared at him in shock as the powerful ghoul chuckled. He couldn't help it, she was really quite fun. It had been so long since someone had talked to him like that. Since someone had the nerve to actually mouth off at him. Granted, Touka didn't know who he really was.

"But reactions like that are why I want to tease you." He grinned.

Touka huffed, but said no more. Rather, she stalked off toward the bar, ready to get his order done and over with.

Mukade sighed and leaned back in his chair. Touka was fun. Charming in her own way, and certainly beautiful. But like he'd told Rize, Mukade wasn't interested in a relationship.

It was too dangerous, too painful.

He didn't want his heart broken all over again.

So absorbed in his thoughts, Mukade didn't notice the elderly man arrive next to him until he spoke.

"I apologize for Touka-chan's behavior. That's just how she is."

Mukade looked the man over, an easy grin on his face. "Nah, it's fine. I've met worse. She's kinda endearing, in her own way."

"That she is. But if you earn her trust, there is nothing Touka-chan would not do for you." He clearly spoke from experience. It made Mukade wonder just what Touka had done to prove herself such a devout friend.

"It would seem my manners are lacking today." Chuckled the man. "My name is Yoshimura, and this is my coffee shop." Said Yoshimura with a nod of his head.

Mukade returned the gesture. "Kaneki." He said in simple reply.

"A please to meet you Kaneki."

"Likewise."

It was then that Touka stalked up, her attention solely on Mukade. "Here's you damn cof-" Her eyes widened at seeing Yoshimura standing beside the table. "Manager!"

"Hello Touka-chan."

The girl set down the coffee, flustered. One hand nervously toyed with the blouse of her uniform as a light blush highlighted her cheeks. "Erm, sorry Manager, for acting so rude to a customer."

Mukade waved his hand in dismissal. "It's fine." His attention returned to Yoshimura. "Was there something you wanted to speak with me about?"

The old man nodded. "Yes, actually. I was hoping that you would join me in the back for a bit. There are some things I'd like to discuss with you."

Mukade's brow rose. "What sort of things?"

Yoshimura smiled kindly. "About the reason why you are here in the 20th, and about your parents."

Mukade gaped at the man. "My... parents?" He choked out. No one had mentioned his family in... years.

"Yes. I knew both of them back in the day." Yoshimura glanced around. "Though I think this conversation belongs in amore private setting."

The half-ghoul stood, mind swirling, and followed Yoshimura through a door behind the coffee bar.

Touka stared after then, then to the still warm coffee left at the table.

"Bastard, wasting perfectly good coffee like this." She grumbled.

 _/ And I hope that you are having the time of your life /_

 _/ But think twice / that's my only advice /_

CCG Investigator Mado Kureo stared down at the twisted corpse of a young woman. She lay naked on a gurney within the morgue of the 20th's hospital. Her long violet hair was matted with grime and blood. Her neck was positioned at an odd angle and all her limbs were clearly broken.

Most of the blood had since been cleaned off and the staff had tried to lay her out in as natural position as they could, but it did little good in fixing the grotesque image.

The white haired man stared at the corpse in disgust before addressing the man standing beside him.

"What do you think Amon-kun?" Inquired the elder dove.

Amon Koutarou eyed the damaged corpse. "She obviously died from blunt force trauma. To be expected with being crushed by metal beams. From the story the boy told us, she's most likely a ghoul."

Mado nodded. "Yes, but which one?" He tested.

"We could check her Rc levels to get an idea on how powerful she was." Suggested the younger man. "It would clue us in on if she's already in out database or not."

Mado grinned widely. "Excellent. You really have come far since we were first assigned together."

Amon suppressed his proud grin, but gratitude to his teacher twinkled in his eyes. "Thank you."

Mado eyed the corpse with disdain. "Vermin. Such an ironic death that it was killed by something as mundane as falling beams."

He snickered. "Wouldn't it truly be ironic if this were the feared Beige Eater?" He grinned at the still corpse.

Somehow, Rize's dead eyes managed to stare back in twisted amusement. Ironic indeed.

 _/ Come on now / Who do you / Who do you / Who do you / Who do you think you are /_

 _/ Ha ha ha bless your soul / You really think you're in control /_

"How do you know my parents?" The question came the moment the door closed behind the two.

Yoshimura didn't answer right away. Rather, he sat down on one of the break room's chairs, gesturing for his guest to do the same.

Yoshimura smiled at the young half ghoul, though it was sad. Kaneki Ken looked so like his mother...

"Ai-chan worked here at Anteiku for a time when she was a teenager. She and your father later visited me after Ai found out she was pregnant. They wanted advice, and someone to turn to if the need arose."

His expression grew even more somber. "I'm sorry for your loss. I wish I had been there to help you, but we assumed you too had been killed by the CCG. It wasn't until yesterday I realized you were still alive, Kaneki Ken."

"How?" The half-ghoul cleared his throat, repeating. "How did you know who I was?"

"You look like her." At Kaneki's confused expression, Yoshimura elaborated. "Ai, you look like your mother. Aside from the white hair of course."

The boy subconsciously started to touch the bleached strands, before realizing what he was doing and jerking his hand away.

"Who are you?" He asked quietly.

"I am a friend." Replied Yoshimura simply. "I help any and all ghouls in whatever way I can. Be it giving them shelter, or helping to feed those who can't hunt for themselves, I, along with all at Anteiku, take it upon ourselves to aid those in need."

Kaneki nodded slowly. "What do you want with me?" He asked after a while.

"I'd like to offer you a job." Yoshimura replied.

Olive-grey eyes blinked at him in confusion. "A... job?"

"Yes. It is my hope that you will stay here in the 20th ward for a while. But for you to stay, you'll need a form of income. I'm offering you a job to pay for housing."

Kaneki eyed the elder suspiciously. "Why do you want me to stay in the 20th?"

Yoshimura sighed, regretful. "I was unable to help your parents when they truly needed it. I cannot bring them back, but I can do my best to make sure their son remains safe and looked after. I suppose this is me asking for forgiveness."

Kaneki stared at the elder with an unreadable expression. "I think..." he began slowly. "I think they would forgive you. That's the sort of people they were."

Yoshimura rested a hand on the young man's shoulder. "That they were." He made no move to stop the younger when Kaneki pulled away a few moments later. The manager knew the half-ghoul wan't one for shows of affection. Not anymore.

Kaneki cleared his throat. "What if, ah... what if me being here puts the 20th in danger?"

Yoshimura chuckled. "I think as long as you don't make a scene of things, the CCG will be none-the-wiser that we have the great Mukade in our midst."

Kaneki gaped at the old man. "Wha-? How...?"

"Call it years of experience in reading people." He said fondly. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone your secret. That is for you to share."

Kaneki huffed a laugh. "You're not going to use this to blackmail me into staying?" He half joked.

"I wouldn't dream of it." Though the gleam in Yoshimura's eye told otherwise.

The half-ghoul shook his head, chuckling. "Fine, I'll bite. When do I start?"

"Tomorrow."

 _/ Well, I think you're crazy / I think you're crazy / I think you're crazy /_

 _/ Just like me /_

Touka absently tapped her pencil against her chin. Homework was annoying. So. Damn. Annoying.

But she still had to do it. As long as she wanted to keep attending school, the sacrifice must be made.

Sighing, Touka tossed the textbook aside. She'd work on it later. Her brain just wasn't focusing right.

Shifting through her backpack, Touka's hand brushed against a worn sketchbook. Well there was something to do.

She set the book on her lap and opened it. Within were hoards of sketches and notes Touka had made through the last few years.

Tapping a pencil against her chin, she read through some of her more recent theories on ghoul biology.

So little was known about her kind. How their bodies worked, their genetic makeup, why they required human meat. Even their origin was a mystery.

Touka had decided shortly after entering high school that she wanted to work as a biologist one day and learn more about her species. Maybe, one day, she could find a replacement for human flesh. If ghouls no longer needed to hunt mankind, then peace could be possible. No longer would they be hunted. No more running and hiding, fearful of detection.

Even though Touka felt hatred for humanity, she also envied them. More than anything, she wished that she could live like them. Unafraid.

But if she could not live that way, she could still try her damn hardest to let future generations have the peace she never did.

No matter what, she had to believe things would get better.

If she didn't, then it never would.

As she started to sketch out another diagram of a kagune, Touka's mind began to wander to that infuriating white haired ghoul.

Was he even a ghoul?

He had to be. The guy smelled like one all right. And the Manager wanted to talk with him.

Yet he could drink coffee with _sugar_. He could drink that disgusting, sand textured, dirt flavored, _shit_ and not bat an eye.

Sure, Touka could eat just about anything and act like it was the best thing she ever tasted, but she'd never eat that nasty substance humans called food when she didn't have to.

And as far as Touka could tell, there was no reason for White-y to play fake human.

Plus, if he was human, that meant Touka could just eat him. Then maybe he'd stop pissing her off.

Why she hated him so much?

Hell is she knew. She just did.

Though... it might have something to do with that sad, broken gaze she'd seen just before-

" _Stupid_." Touka hissed to herself. On her paper was drawn a damnably familiar ukaku kagune...

She shook her head. No. She would not be drawn into that depression again. _He_ was the one that left, not her.

Touka's head fell back against her bed.

"...stupid..."

 _/ My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb /_

 _/ And all I remember is thinking / I want to be like them /_

 _/ Ever since I was little / Ever since I was little it looked like fun /_

 _/ And it's no coincidence I've come /_

 _/ And I can die when I'm done /_

A silent figure passed between cold metal walls dressed in shadow. Their bandaged feet made no sound on the smooth tile as they traveled deep into the intestines of the sleeping hospital.

They stopped alongside their shadow before a locked door. Without effort, they forced it open and continued on.

Counting softly under their breath as they passed locked compartments, the figure stopped after the sixth letter.

Unlatching the lock, the figure pulled open the steel door and slid the cold silver gurney from its depths.

The bandage clothed being grinned down at the corpse.

"Hello Rize-san. We need to borrow you for a bit..."

 _/ Maybe I'm crazy / Maybe you're crazy / Maybe we're crazy /_

 _/ Probably /_

 ** _"Whose fault is it that things ended up like this? Coincidence? An accident? Fate? There's no such thing as fate. It's simply a combination of one circumstance and the next. And who is it that creates those circumstances? Who is it? It's you."_**

 **Song:** _'Crazy'_ by Gnarls Barkely

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Tokyo Ghoul or the song.

 **A.N.** Thanks to xxxDreamingflowerxxx for adding in the needed honorifics. You're awesome.


	4. Chapter 3: Can You Feel My Heart?

**Chapter Three:** _Can You Feel My Heart?_

 ** _Pre-Story Notes:_** _Mukade (Centipede): Kaneki's CCG name._

 _Hachidori (Hummingbird): Kaneki Hatori Ai (Kaneki's mother)_

 _Edited 1/9/16_

* * *

 **"Just because beans are expensive does not mean the coffee will turn out well. Nothing will if you brew it without care. But the opposite is also true. Even cheap beans can be flavorful if you brew them with care to bring out their unique qualities."**

* * *

 _/ Can you hear the silence / Can you see the dark /_

 _/ Can you fix the broken / Can you feel... can you feel my heart /_

* * *

Mukade awoke early the next day. He had his first day of work at Anteiku. Joy.

But he'd agreed to the job, and he somehow felt that Yoshimura was not someone to cross. The old man had a deadly air about him that even Mukade was weary of.

Pushing the uncharacteristic unease from his mind, Mukade set about getting ready for his day. The usual routine of brushing teeth and hair, dressing, pocketing his wallet and hiding his mask within his jacket.

Within twenty minutes he was locking up his apartment and descending the stairs. The outside air was unusally fresh and cool, a welcome change.

Mukade took a deep breath through his nose. Millions of smells overwhelmed his sensitive senses.

The smell of cool fall air, greasy food, warm bodies, and delicious coffee left a pleasant taste on his tongue.

This was the best kind of weather.

Shifting his coat, Mukade made his way down the streets of the 20th. The walk to Anteiku wasn't very far, and his superior endurance made the trek easy.

Mukade entered the shop a half hour before it was due to open.

The Manager and two other workers (introduced to him the day before as Irimi and Koma) were already setting up shop for the day. Irimi was whipping down tables while the funny haired Koma was restocking some of the coffee.

Yoshimura was already turning on the coffee brewer and making a cup, most likely for himself.

"Come here Kaneki-kun." Commanded the old man.

Mukade obeyed, but wanting to irk the Manager. Yoshimura gestured for the young man to stand beside him. "I'm going to teach you how to make a cup of coffee." he explained.

Mukade already knew how to brew coffee. Granted, they were usually the instant brewed kind, but still, it couldn't be too hard, right?

Turns out it was.

Every cup Mukade made ended up tasting like shit. Which didn't make sense. He was doing everything Yoshimura instructed, and the beans were of fine quality. Apparently he just sucked at it.

"Don't worry. Few make a perfect cup on their first try. Coffee is something you have to put effort into, so the taste can vary greatly. People are the same. There's no need to get impatient." He explained. Mukade found the comment on people odd, but he supposed it was true, in a way.

Mukade sighed.

"Try again." Urged Yoshimura. Against his wishes (and his pride), Mukade tried again. And again. And again.

Yet, on this eighth cup, he did it. Granted, it didn't taste as good as Yoshimura's but it was still pretty good. Mukade couldn't help the proud smile that lit up his face, no matter how hard he tried.

The rest of the day went by uneventfully. He, Koma, and Irimi were the only ones working (with the Manager stepping in now and then). Touka was at school, and wouldn't be at work until later.

Mukade found it absolutly bizarre that Touka would willingly go to school. Not only was it boring as all hell, it was also extremely dangerous. The chances of being discovered were multiplied tenfold.

Mukade didn't know if she was extremely stupid, or extremely brave. Probably both.

He remembered, a long time ago, he too had attended school. At first he'd been homeschooled, but the naive child he was, Mukade had begged to attend. I wanted to be 'normal', if only for a little bit.

It had actually gone great. He'd learned a lot, made excellent grades, even made a friend.

The hybrid fondly remembered that over-excited boy with contagious joy and sunshine hair.

Then it all went to hell...

Shaking the bittersweet thoughts away, Mukade went about filling orders. It was nearing noon, and the lunch hour rush was coming in. Those taking lunch breaks from their jobs as well as some college students from the local university crowded the shop.

He'd taken orders from all the tables except one in the back corner. Only one of its two seats were occupied by a young man with dirty blond hair.

Mukade stepped beside the table and cleared his throat. "What can I get you?" He asked politely.

The man looked up from his phone to answer, but the both of them froze when their eyes met.

A sense of deja-vu hit them both, each finding the other eerily familiar.

The human was the first to place the not-so-stranger's face. "Ken?!" He shrieked, jumping up from his chair.

Mukade backed away in shock. Who-? His mental question was cut off as the hybrid was attacked in a bone-breaking hug.

"OH-MY-GOD-KEN-I-CAN'T-BELIEVE-IT-IT'S-BEEN-YEARS!" Screamed the blond, causing every eye in the cafe to stare at the fuss.

Mukade blinked at the young man currently chocking him. That hug felt familiar. Then it finally hit him.

"Hide?"

The supposed Hide pushed away from Mukade, a wide grin on his face. "You remember me!"

Mukade snorted. "How could I forget a pain in the ass like you?"

Hide faked a pout. "So cruel." His chocolate eyes once again lit up as he sat back down, gesturing for Mukade to do the same.  
The hybrid shifted awkwardly. "Sorry, but I'm on shift right now, I can-" Once again he was cut off by the energetic youth.

Hide jumped up, pushed his long lost friend into the other seat, then took his own in three seconds flat.

Mukade blinked, not entirely sure what had happened.

"No way Ken, you're staying right here to catch up with your old friend!" _Ken._ Hide had called him Ken. How long had it been since someone had called Mukade be his given name? Even now, everyone one called him Kaneki. The little boy known as Ken had died a long time ago, or so he thought.

But here, sitting across from his one-time best friend, Mukade felt like he was eleven hears old again, carefree, happy, innocent. Just Ken and Hide, two little boys who believed they could take on the world as long as they stuck together.

" _Sooooo_ , how have you been?" Inquired Hide, leaning half his body over the table. He was just as eccentric as Mukade remembered, maybe even more.

The half-ghoul shrugged. "I'm okay. You?"

"Absolutly awesome." Hide said with a lop-sided grin. "I'm going to Kamii right now." He beamed with pride.

"You? College?" Mukade laughed. "I didn't know you had it in you."

Hide stuck his tongue out. Yup, same old childish Hide.

"What about you? Were've you been? We were both living in the 11th, then, _BAM_ , you vanished."

Mukade bit his lip. How much could he tell Hide? The human had been his best friend once upon a time. They'd been so close that Mukade at considered telling the other boy his secret on several occasions.

"An... accident happened. My parents..." He swallowed. "They died. I left. I... I couldn't stay there any longer."

Hide stared in shock. "Ken... oh man... I'm so sorry. I... I'm just... sorry." A look of sorrow twisted Hide's usually cheerful face. It looked wrong on him.

"It's okay. It's not your fault." Mukade said. "What's done is done." A tight smirk pulled the corner of his mouth. "Beside, now I have you here to annoy me." He teased, trying to break Hide of his dark mood. It seemed to work, as the human's face once more lit up in a grin.

"Who, me? _Pfft_ , now way." Hide responded, flipping his hand in dismissal.

Mukade laughed, shaking his head. As he did so, he caught sight of Yoshimura out of the corner of his eye.

The old man nodded at him, a serene smile on his wrinkled face. _Catch up with your friend_ it said.

Mukade nodded his thanks.

He and Hide talked for over an hour, well past the beginning of Hide's next class. When Mukade asked about it, the human shrugged it off, saying catching up with his best friend was more important.

Another hour came and went before the two parted ways, swapping numbers and promising to meet up again soon.

Mukade worked the rest of his shift with a smile on his face. For the first time in a very, very long time, he was feeling... happy. It was such an odd feeling.

But a good kind of odd.

* * *

 _/ Can you help the hopeless / Well, I'm begging on my knees /_

 _/ Can you save my bastard soul / Will you wait for me /_

* * *

It was around four in the evening when Touka walked into Anteiku. She still wore her school cloths, a bag sling over her shoulder.

She'd actually had a pleasant day thus far, and couldn't help the happy smile on her face.

That smile fell as soon as she saw who was working behind the counter.

"What the hell is he doing here?!" Touka shrieked.

The white hair guy looked up at her, blinking in surprise. "It's not nice to yell." He reprimanded. "At least we don't have any customers right now."

Touka felt a blush alight her cheeks. He was right, it would have been bad if she'd acted in such a way with patrons in the shop.

The fact 'Sweet-tooth' was right only pissed her off more.

"I repeat, _what are you doing here_?" She growled, silently urging the blush still tinting her cheeks to vanish.

Sweet-tooth opened his mouth to make what was likely to be a snarky comeback but was interrupted by Yoshimura.

"I actually hired Kaneki-kun yesterday. Today is his first day of work." He explained calmly.

Touka gaped like a land-locked fish. She wanted to yell at the Manager, but respected him too much to do such a thing, so she held her tongue.

Instead, she asked, "Why?"

Yoshimura smiled and put a gentle hand on the girl's back. "He needed a job to pay for rent, and I offered. Anteiku helps ghouls in need." He reminded.

Touka dipped her head in shame. She hated when she let Yoshimura down, even it such small, mundane things like this.

"Of course, Manager." She half apologized. _So he **is**_ _a ghoul_. The thought felt almost detached, like she actually didn't really care.

Yoshimura nodded before exiting into the break room, leaving Touka alone with the new guy, Kaneki.

The young ghoul sighed. "So, your name's Kaneki then?" She asked redundantly.

Said ghoul just nodded.

Shoulders sagging, Touka made her way to the break room to put away her school bag and change into her uniform.

Before she reached the door, Kaneki called out her name. She turned around, slight irritation painting her expression.

He just smiled at her, not his normal, cocky smile, or the sad fake one, but a soft but genuine smile. "Truce?"

Touka bit her lip. Truce? A truce on their arguing? On her anger towards him? Or something deeper?

She realized, it was deeper. It was a truce to understand. For her to push aside her bitterness towards him for reminder her of her brother and see Kaneki for who he was, and for him to see her as a person, and not a plaything to taunt. A truce to treat each other as people, as equals.

To put aside their anger and grief and learn to become friends, if such a thing were possible.

Misery loves company, and no doubt the both of them were buried six feet under their pain and sins.

Touka nodded. "Truce."

* * *

 _/ I'm sorry brothers / So sorry lover /_

 _/ Forgive me father / I love you mother /_

* * *

Mukade's hands twitched in his lap. He stared blankly at the stained carpet beneath his feet, listened to the squeaking of the old springs within his bed, smelled the dust in the air.

The apartment in which he now lived was old and run down, on the cusp of shattering.

Much like him.

He swallowed thickly.

All day, he'd been Kaneki.

Kaneki Ken, a name he didn't deserve.

Yet when those at Anteiku said it, called to his with his brith name, a small bit of happiness lit inside the rusted birdcage of his chest. A tiny piece of home, of belonging.

It had been so long, so so long, since he'd been called by that name.

The name he didn't deserve.

He was Mukade.

He was a monster.

Hands clenched, nails digging into skin until they bled, Mukade stared into nothing.

 ** _Why do you do this to yourself?_** He could almost hear her say.

 _Mom._

 ** _I hate seeing you like this. We don't blame you. We love you, Ken. You are not a monster._**

Ever since his torture, ever since he'd become this... _thing..._ he'd hear her voice inside his head.

His dear, beloved mother. Sometimes his father too.

Giving him words of encouragement. Words of love and hope.

 ** _We love you_** they'd say.

Did they? Did they love him after all he'd done?

He swallowed and stood.

Mukade knelt down beside his bed, reached beneath, and pulled from its shadows a fireproof chest.

The blood from his palms left red prints of the worn metal. He ignored it.

Mukade reached beneath his shirt and pulled out the key he always wore around his neck. Removing the necklace that held it, he gently opened the locked case.

Staring blankly at the contents, Mukade look out the first item with shaking hands.

It was a mask, beautifully formed from aluminum and painted with blues, greens, and golds.

It was the shape of a hummingbird, wings spreading out over the cheeks and beneath the eyes of the wearer when put on. The grown of the bird's head rested at the bridge of the nose, its tail ending just past the chin.

It stared down its chest, the long needle beak resting on its belly.

The feather were a splendid rainbow of blues and greens and turquoises, with golden flecks on the wings and vivid red eyes.

His mother's mask.

His mother, Hachidori, the Hummingbird. Named after her aqua colored ukaku that fluttered like the delicate wings of the tiny bird.

Mukade ran his finger over the smooth mask. His eyes began to burn.

Setting the piece aside, he took out the next item with quivering hands.

A quinque.

Not any quinque. His father's.

Mukade's grip on the weapon tightened, paling his knuckles white.

The sword-like weapon shone like gold, it's deadly blade ready to extend and retract at its wielder's command.

How many ghouls had this weapon killed?

How many doves had fallen to it's razor edge?

How many lives had his father taken, first in the name of justice, then in the name of love?

Certainly far less than the blood that stained Mukade's hands.

He set the quinque beside his mother's mask, two relics of his lost family, together even after their master's deaths.

The last item within was the hardest to look upon. The reason why Mukade hated the CCG so very, very much.

From the case, he took another quinque. A simple handle, silver, with an open end. But with a button's push, the fiery feathers of an ukaku would spring forth, its beautiful iridescent wings fluttering like a bird's heartbeat.

His mother's kagune, ripped from her corpse and turned into a weapon to kill her own kin.

A piece of the one who gave birth to him, a reminder of her life, and her death, and the promise he made to himself to kill to one responsible for her demise, and the anguish that torn apart his soul.

When Mukade looked on his most precious possessions, and his greatest agonies, all he could see was the face of the cold eyed monster that has slain the both of them without remorse, not caring that his father was human, that his mother was obviously with child.

It didn't matter to the Reaper. His mother was a monster, her children hell spawn, his father a traitor.

He killed without mercy, and Mukade would return the favor.

With quivering lips and shaking hands, he held the quinque against his chest, terrified to let it go.

His mind strayed to those at Anteiku, to the ones who saw him as a being worthy of life, of happiness, even if they didn't know the creature before them.

The abomination he was.

Only Yoshimura knew, and he looked upon Mukade like a person. Not a beast. Not an unwanted thing.

Not a monster.

They'd called him Kaneki Ken.

Lips quivering and bloody, the man who was still a lost child deep in his heart, whispered in a broken voice, "I don't want to be Mukade anymore."

 ** _You don't have to Ken._**

 ** _You don't have to..._**

* * *

 _/ I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone /_

 _/ I long for that feeling to not feel at all /_

 _/ The higher I get / The lower I'll sink /_

 _/ I can't drown my demons / They know how to swim /_

* * *

 _Entry 63: Red Child Cells_

 _Red Child Cells, or just Rc cells, seem to be what makes ghouls, ghouls. Our bodies require them to live, yet I believe we are unable to produce them ourselves. That's why we must eat humans, to consume their Rc cells._

 _The average ghoul has an Rc count of between 1000 and 8000, while humans only have between 200 to 500. Wouldn't it make more sense for ghouls to eat other ghouls?_

 _I don't think so._

 _From what I've heard, ghoul meat tastes rotten. I think that's because we can't make our own Rc cells, so we only have 'used' or 'old' Rc cells, verses humans who make new ones every day. Even though humans have a much lower count, their Rc cells are fresh, making them healthier._

 _But if a ghoul were to cannibalize often, the large amount of Rc cells would force the kagune to evolve, making a kakuja._

 _I've never met a ghoul with a kakuja, but from the rumors, they're terrifying individuals._

 _I can't help but wonder if it could have negative side-effects on a ghoul. Could the surplus of cells overwhelm a ghoul's system? Are kakuja hard to control?_

 _Normal kagune are harder to control the more powerful they are. I'd assume the same would go for kakuja._

 _Something to think about..._

Touka tapped her pencil against her lip. She couldn't think of anything to add to the entry. She'd just finished cleaning up for closing when she decided to sit down behind the counter and write for a bit.

Touka was drawn from her writing with the sound of the jingle of the doorbell.

"I'm sorry but we're closed-" She stopped when she saw who had entered. "Mrs Fueguchi." Touka exclaimed, jumping out of her seat. "What are you doing here?"

The brown haired woman smiled at Touka, though it was tinged with sorrow. Hinami too had an expression of sadness on her young features.

"What's wrong?" Touka asked, worried.

Fueguchi Ryouko shook her head. "I need to speak with the manager." She said rather than answer.

Touka bit her lip. "This way."

As she led the two into the back, Touka couldn't help the feeling of dread that settled into her stomach. Something bad was coming.

* * *

 _/ Can you hear the silence / Can you see the dark /_

 _/ Can you fix the broken / Can you feel /_

 _/ Can you feel my heart /_

* * *

 **"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishing."**

 **-Anais Nine**

* * *

 **Song:** _'Can You Feel My Heart?'_ by Bring Me The Horizon

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Tokyo Ghoul or the song

 **A.N.**

Hi guys! New chapter! A LOT happened this chapter. Kaneki is now officially a member of Anteiku, he's been reunited with Hide, made peace (a little) with Touka, we learn a bit more about Kaneki's parents and their deaths, AND Ryouko and Hinami have entered the picture.

FYI, this isn't going to keep in cannon order of events. The dove arch is happening before the Gourmet. (Thanks to codename00guest for pointing out that the dove arc comes in before Gourmet, and that it was Nishiki's appearance that arrives first.)

Mostly because Mado and Amon are already in the 20th, and I've yet to introduce Nishiki (don't worry, he's coming in soon)

Touka's entry on Rc cells comes from this fan theory: drowning-in-theories. tumblr post/ 133974932198/ ghoulology-101- kakuhous-rc- pathways-and- rc- cells (remove the spaces, of course)

Thanks again to xxxDreamingflowerxxx for all your help!

Also, I think I'll think I'll go back at a later date and add honorifics. Still trying to decide. My dear friend xxxDreamingflowerxxx was kind enough to go through and add honorifics for me. Big shout out to her! Go check out her stuff.

Till next time.

 **edit:** I decided to have Hide call Kaneki Ken instead of his family name, because I really don't think five year olds (the two met when they were five) would recalling each other by their family names. Especially Hide.


	5. Chapter 4: Kick Me (pt 1)

**Chapter Five : Don't Kick Me When I'm Down pt 1**

* * *

 **Pre-Story A.N.** These will be basically one chapter split into five segments, all featuring Kaneki's greatest fights thus far. They will appear between current-even chapters.

Also, Kaneki doesn't know that Oomori is 'Jason's' real name, as he introduced himself as Jason and nothing else. Kaneki is 15 in this, and he still thinks of himself as Ken, rather than Kaneki or Mukade. That changes later.

Also, the end chapter quote is from the serial killer Albert DeSalvo. I apologize if this offends anyone or is seen in poor taste. I have several quotes from serial killers I plan to use, but I won't if you dislike this.

* * *

 _Let's hang the jury_

 _You sick judgmental fools_

 _I'll bury you six feet deep_

 _So tired of your rules_

* * *

 ** _Don't torture someone to the level that they forget what pain is..._**

* * *

 **~Three Years Ago~**

The _drip, drip, drip_ of blood was all Ken could hear. All he could hear for the past few hours.

It was almost as bad as the pain. The waiting.

Just sitting there, chained, head bowed like a beaten dog. Waiting for the next round of torture.

It was an endless cycle.

Cut and rip and sever and impale. An hour's rest. Then cut and rip and sever and impale.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Over and over and over again until Ken could no longer distinguish the pain from the healing. It all hurt. Every fiber hurt.

So he sat, dull-eyed from the pain, and waited.

He didn't have to wait long.

The ominous groan of the playroom door opening tore at his newly healed ears. Only a few hours before had they been ripped clean off and tossed in a bucket, like most of his other extremities.

Echoing footsteps neared Ken's limp form. He remained limply leaning forward, his empty gaze semi-focused on his blood soaked lap.

 _Clank. Clank. Clank._

Jason was tapping his favored wrench on his metal claws.

"Do you believe rumors and superstition?" He asked at last.

Ken didn't move. Only his labored breathing moved his body. Otherwise, one would think him dead.

Almost, but not yet.

"A long time ago," Jason continued, "I heard that if you cannibalize a ghoul, your blood will become stronger. They taste bad and aren't fit to eat, so there are few I like, but..." He grinned savagely beneath his mask. "I tried it. Since then, I get the feeling that my kagune has been steadily growing sharper."

He tisked deep in his throat. "I don't have many enemies left in the 13th District..." he complained, seemingly off topic.

Jason pushed up his hockey mask. "I believe that shit superstition. We're probably designed to compete with each other, us ghouls."

The cold steal of Jason's claws brushed against Ken's forehead. "And now, for your end will be outcompeted by me."

Ken's eyes snapped open, glowing and wild. He jerked forward and tore a bite out of his tormenter.

He was done. He was _fucking done!_

"A... bite...?" Said Jason, brushing a clawed finger against the bleeding wound on his cheek.

"...it really is bad." Ken's voice was soft, cracking with disuse. Yet somehow it managed to echo through the cavernous playroom as if projected by a microphone.

"...like rotten fish gut." He mused.

Then...

 _CRACK!_

The boy flipped, shattering the metal chair with his back and breaking the chains around his ankles.

Jason stared in shock and anger at Ken. "You... fuck." He gasped. "YOU ATE THAT?!"

No answer came. Rather, a blurr of white and black flipped over him and landed gracefully on his shoulders.

Ken wrapped the chains on his hands around Jason's neck, chocking the massive man. The blond stumbled back, gasping whilst trying to tear the boy from his shoulders.

"My bad?" Ken sneered from atop his tormentor.

He left from Jason's shoulders and flipped a good distance away, crouched with his back to the other. Ken stood, even more blood dripping from his mouth.

"Brat." Growled the full-blooded ghoul. "You.. ATE ME AGAIN!"

Ken swallowed the mouthful of bitter meat. "You tried to eat me." He twisted his head to look at Jason from the corner of his eye. "So if you get eaten, isn't that just too bad?"

A knuckle cracked.

"Have you gone insane? Useless bastard!" Jason rushed forward, grabbing Ken's face in a bruising grip. "The strong eat! In other words, me! THAT'S ME!" He screamed.

Ken simply broke his hold by kicking the larger ghoul in the chest. "So try it. You idiot."

He kicked out at Jason once more. The elder was faster, and caught the boy's leg in a vise grip. "The same thing?" He sneered. "I won't let go, even if it breaks!" He taunted.

Ken's eyes stared at the massive ghoul, dull and dead. No care for himself, only the desire to destroy the one before him.

"I con't care if it breaks."

Twisting, bone snapping, flesh tearing as pale skin was torn to shreds.

"You think I'd call this pain?"

An uninjured knee, slamming into a square jaw hard enough to shatter bone and break off teeth. Strong enough to tear away the grip on the ruined leg, and toss its enemy across the room.

Ken landed on both feet, staring at the crumpled form of Jason with a blank stare.

He was so fucking done.

The twisted limb shifted, spun back around, knit itself back together.

Disturbed dust cleared, from its shadows rising an enraged beast.

Jason bent over, like a charging bull, thick armored kakuja encasing his body. **"... you. I'll kill you. I'll kill you. I'll kill you... Chew you... into a sloppy mess... AND KILL YOU! I'LL DEVOUR OU TO DEATH!"** He shrieked in an inhuman voice.

Ken only smirked.

 _Crack_. A knuckle popped.

"Yeah... what a bother."

The half-born monster reared back, shrieking his anger, then knelt one more. Muscled legs tensed, pushed off the inverted tiles, and charged.

Eager eyes and small exited grin awaited the attack.

A dodging flip was all that was needed. Ken's crazed stare watched Jason from his upside-down-and-above vantage.

A lucky shot from the behemoth below sent the boy flying away and into a concrete wall.

Dust filled the air, then dispersed. A shadowed figure stepped out from the hole, eyes down and cast in darkness.

"That hurt."

Red and grey eyes snapped up, crazed stare locked into his prey.

"Now..."

Pale body, leaping into the air, veins alighting with red fire beneath a torn black shirt.

"It's my turn!"

Centipedes, red as blood, dripping in blood, spring from white flesh and twisted around the flying boy.

Dagger limbs tore into flesh, hardened shell or not.

The prey was pinned beneath him, eight meters of heavy arthropod wrapping around its bleeding body.

The hunter leaned over his almost-kill, bird-skull mask twisting his already terrifying expression to something truly monstrous.

Meter long legs impaled into the prey, blood gushing loose and pained screams serenading the room.

Lovely music.

 **"Cannibalizing a ghoul makes one's blood stronger..."** Mused the hunter, tap, tap, tapping the side of his head. He leaned forward, eyes wide, insane, bloodthirsty. **"Is that what you said?"**

A clawed hand drove itself into the prey's armored back, ripping through the thick flesh with ease.

The prey shrieked in pain, twisting the the centipede's embrace.

The predator leaned forward, breath ghosting against the prey's ear. **"What's one thousand minus seven?"**

 _Rip._

Torn from the prey, its heart, still beating, stilling clinging to life.

Red and grey eyes watched the slowly stilling organ in fascination.

So this is life...

So fragile...

The heart was consumed. As was the back, the limbs, the spine, the stomach...

 _Snap... thump... crunch... tear... crush... crack... rip..._

"Ei... eight... hun.. dred..."

The prey breathed its last.

* * *

 _Fuck you and your opinion_

 _How could you be so blind?_

 _What goes around_

 _Comes back around in time_

* * *

 ** _"It wasn't as dark and scary as it sounds. I had a lot of fun...killing somebody's a funny experience."_**

 ** _-Albert DeSalvo_**

* * *

 **Song:** _'Kick Me'_ by Sleeping With Sirens

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Tokyo Ghoul or the song.


	6. Chapter 5: Archers (pt 1)

**Chapter Five: The Archer's Bows Are Broken (part 1)**

 **Pre-Story AN:** So FF decided that 5k words was too much to upload, so I had to publish this in two parts :P

Small note on the flashback: it is impossible to move while in REM sleep. Whenever one 'tosses and turns', they are in a state of semi-consciousness that lasts less than a minute. It is so brief that we aren't aware of being awake at all. A cool little fact for you guys.

* * *

 **"Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are."**

 **-Markus Zusak, I Am the Messenger**

* * *

 _Who do you carry the torch for, my young man?_

 _Do you believe in anything?_

 _Do you carry it around just to burn things down?_

* * *

"Centipedes in my ears... making me crazy..."

 _Crack._

Pale thumb pressing on an index finger.

The sounds of night life echoed throughout the back alleys and abandoned places of the 20th ward.

The air was cool, soft, quite.

Peaceful.

Strange, so strange.

Mukade walked with his hands shoved in the pockets of his jacket, gait slow and lazy, hooded eyes glancing for danger or prey.

He breathed deeply through his nose.

The delicious smell of a corpse wafted through the air, an enticing, mouthwatering aroma.

Mukade changed his course to follow the smell. Even if stealing a lesser ghouls meal had nothing on an actual hunt, getting to know the neighbors and letting them know a shark was in town was needed.

A few blocks later, Mukade turned a corner to see a skinny ghoul feeding on a fresh body.

The ghoul was nothing impressive, too thin, with long greasy hair and half crazed eyes.

The ghoul's head snapped up, finally noticing his watcher. The man's face twisted in a scowl.

"What do you want?" He growled. "This is my kill. Find your own!"

Mukade stared uninterested at the pathetic excuse of a ghoul. His gaze flicked up at a slight movement behind said ghoul. With half veiled intrigue, he watched as a second ghoul stalked up behind the first.

His smell told Mukade he was a good deal stronger than the trash on the ground, but no where on par with Mukade himself.

The young man was lean and tall, with shaggy brown hair and a pair of glasses perched on his nose.

Odd, the glasses. Probably to help blend in. It was impossible for a ghoul to sustain lasting damage, unless the wound was truly horrific. Kaneki was one such ghoul, with a body littered with scars.

Mukade watched in amusement as the second ghoul planted his foot on the back of the first's head, then kicked it clean off while the trash was in mid sentence.

"Boom."

Mukade smirked at the newcomer. He had a sense of humor.

"Sheesh, I said don't go having a meal on my hunting grounds. Now here's one more unwelcome guest..."

Glasses glanced up, finally noticing Mukade watching the spectacle.

"Huh?"

Mukade almost snorted. He took this long to notice such a strong ghoul, and the only thing he can think to say is 'huh'?

"Ah, so, another ghoul. My kindness is my downfall." He monologued. Mukade felt like rolling his eyes, but refrained. No point in getting into a fight... _yet_.

Glasses smirked, his kakugan darkening into glowing red on black eyes. "If you were human, I could eat you." He mused.

Damn, Mukade had been hoping this guy would be interesting. Alas, it didn't seem so. He sighed. But in doing so, Mukade got a better smell of Glasses. He smelled... human on the ghoul.

Not human blood, or the scent of fear that clung to a recently fed ghoul, but the smell of a female human.

And... the smell of sex.

Now _that_ was interesting. Glasses was in a relationship with a human? How odd. The real question was if he actually cared for her, or if it was simply a ploy to help him better blend in.

Mukade was broken from his thoughts when Glasses grabbed his throat and shoved him against the alleyway wall.

"Weren't you listening to me?" He growled.

Mukade shrugged. "I honestly lost interest after you shoved that guy's head off his shoulders."

Glasses' expression went from annoyed to angered. Apparently he didn't like smug brats, something he most certainly thought Mukade was.

The hybrid needed to change that.

Grabbing the ghoul's wrist, Mukade flicked his own up, snapping the bone of the other's. Glasses cried out and dropped Mukade, who landed in a crouch. He spun, kicking the other ghoul's legs out from under him.

Springing back to his feet, Mukade put a foot down on the other's chest, ensuring he stay still.

"Let's get one thing straight," Mukade started, "I'm a hell of a lot stronger than you." He pushed down on his chest to make his point clear. Glasses flenched as some of his ribs bruised. "So, here's how this is gonna work. You can keep the feeding grounds. I have no interest in wasting my time patrolling. Rather, you get to go whatever the hell you want, except when I decide to hunt. When I do, you stay out of my way, and we won't have any problems."

Mukade stepped away from the injured ghoul. He bent over the decapitated body if the weak ghoul, and making sure Glasses was watching, ripped off an arm and bit off a finger or two.

Glasses stared in disgust and no small amount of horror as Mukade casually ate the arm.

The message was clear.

 _I'm a fucking cannibal, and can snap your neck with no effort. Stay outta my way._

Mukade winked before turning his back on Glasses and continuing on his way. He tossed the arm over his shoulder, humming as he vanished into the shadows.

"Centipedes in my ears... they're making me crazy... twisting through my brain born gears... now I'm fucking crazy..."

 _Crack._

* * *

 _Meet me tonight on the turnpike, my darling_

 _Cause we believe in everything_

 _If we sweat all these debts then we're sure to drown_

 _So we strap ourselves up to this engine now_

 _With a God that we found, laying under the backseat_

* * *

Yomo Renji stepped through the front door of Anteiku, closing off the night sounds behind him.

At the far end of the room stood Yoshimoto, his serine smile missing.

"He ran into Nishio." Reported the white haired ghoul. If Yoshimura was surprise, he made no indication of it.

"He's also a cannibal."

The old man's face fell. "I suspected as much. To be as powerful as he is, he'd most likely need to be a kakuja." He said, defeated. He had wanted to believe Ken hadn't fallen so far, hadn't become so broken, but he had.

"Keep an eye on him." Yoshimura said at last. ' _I still have a promise to keep.'_

Yomo nodded before once more vanishing into the night. The front door chimed as it shut, a normally happy noise suddenly rendered ominous.

Yoshimura turned and made his way upstairs to check on Ryouko and Hinami.

Anteiku had done their best to help the two, but loosing Asaki had taken a toll on them both.

They were suffering in a way all too familiar to Yoshimura.

He stopped before the guest room door and rapped the wood with his knuckles.

A soft "come in", was murmured from inside. Yoshimura opened the door and silently stepped inside.

Ryouko was sitting on the bed, Hinami in her lap, half asleep. Both had bloodshot eyes and unusually pale complexions.

The sorrow in the room was so promenade Yoshimura could actually smell it.

"How are you doing?" He asked the mother ghoul softly.

Ryouko gave him a worn smile. "As good as can be expected." She sighed.

Yoshimura nodded. He hated what he was about to ask of her, but it was needed if Anteiku was to protect them from the doves.

"Would you mind coming into the hall with me, Ryouko?"

The woman bit her lip, but nodded after a moment. She gently set Hinami beside her and stood from the bed.

The two adults left the semi-conscious Hinami behind.

When the door clicked shut behind them, Yoshimura took Ryouko's hands in his own. He gave her a kind smile and a reassuring squeeze.

"I know this is hard for you, but I need you to describe the CCG investigators who attacked you. If we are to protect you and the 20th ward, we need to know what to look for."

Ryouko swallowed thickly, red eyes welling up with even more tears. But she held them at bay, and when she spoke, her voice didn't even crack.

"There were two of them. One younger, one older. The younger was tall, with black hair. He couldn't have been much older than twenty five."

Her hands gripped Yoshimura's so tightly it bordered on painful.

"The other... he was crazy." Ryouko licked her dry lips. "He had stringy white hair. Sort of hunched over, bony almost. And his eyes..." Her lip began to tremble. "He looked like a mad dog." She whispered. "People like that... even if I don't believe in killing, people like that need to be put down. He was..."

"Crazy?" Yoshimura supplied.

Ryouko locked eyes with him.

"Bloodthirsty."

* * *

 _What did you learn tonight?_

 _You're shouting so loud you barely enjoy this broken thing_

 _You're a voice that never sings, is what I say_

 _You were freezing over hell_

 _You were bringing on the end, you do so well_

 _You can only blame yourself, it's what I say_

* * *

 ** _~ six years ago ~_**

 _Within the dark underbelly of the secret '24th Ward' echoed the sound of unsteady footsteps. A single glowing eye was the only sign that someone was there at all. Not even the heightened night vision of a ghoul could see very far in the murky darkness._

 _Twelve-year-old Kaneki Ken stumbled blindly through the ever-winding tunnels. His cloths were dirty and hung loosely from his emaciated body._

 _A year of eating nothing but scavenged flesh had taken its toll on the boy. Every one of his bones protruded in one way or another, accompanied with his pale skin, it give him the appearance of a skeleton._

 _Worn from several hours of wandering, Ken decided to take a break, leaning against a concrete wall and sliding limply down to a sitting position. His tired eyes stared blankly at the other wall, too exhausted to even think._

 _After only minutes of sitting, the boy fell into a restless sleep._

 _His breathing was shallow and his body constantly twitched as he fall back and forth between sleep and semi-consciousness._

 _After an hour of nightmare filled sleep, Ken awoke with a silent scream. His breath came out in heavy gasps as he curled in on himself, trying to calm himself._

 _Images of his dream continued to flash behind his eyelids._

 _Every night, his mind tortured him by reliving the murder of his parents._

 _Every._

 _Damn._

 _Night._

 _His breath finally even, Ken glanced up, searching for danger._

 _A sudden movement in the shadows had him jump to his feet, fight or flight instinct ready to force him into action._

 _He calmed only the slightest when a tiny figure stepped out from the shadows._

 _It was a little girl, no older than five. She was just as thin and pale as Ken._

 _But unlike Ken, her eyes didn't hold the deep sorrow and utter hopelessness he'd gained over the last year._

 _She must be new to the 24th then._

 _Ken looked at the girl sadly. She wouldn't last long. She was too small, too weak. Judging by the state of her cloths, she'd fallen into this hell only weeks ago, a month at most._

 _A crippling pain shot through Ken's stomach and head, doubling him over in pain. The boy nearly fell to his knees as he held his starved stomach. It'd been months since he'd eaten._

 _The pain faded just enough for him to straighten up once more. His eyes once again fell on the girl. She remained standing half in the shadows, unmoving as she stared at him._

 _Ken felt his body shaking with fatigue. He'd wandered around for two months looking for a corpse to scavenge, human or ghoul, it didn't matter. He had't even found bones._

 _He needed to eat something soon, else he was going to die._

 _He didn't want to die._

 _A terrible idea began to form in his mind. It disgusted him, but Ken couldn't see a way around it._

 _He needed to eat._

 _She wouldn't last long._

 _Almost against his will, one of his kagune shot out from his back and impaled the girl, killing her instantly._

 _As the red limb retracted back into his body, Ken fell to his knees, eyes filling with tears._

 _He'd never killed anyone before._

 _The first person he had, was a defenseless little girl._

 _His eyes began to burn as he crawled over to her corpse. Salty tears dribbled down his cheeks and splattered on her bloody chest._

 _At least she'd died right away, no pain._

 _Ken pulled the girl into his lap and began to sob._

 _"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" He screamed into her blood-soaked dress._

 _He'd killed an innocent little girl, just as the white-haired dove had killed his little sister before she could even take her first breath of air._

 _He was no better than that man._

 _He was a murderer._

 _"No... I have to eat. If I don't eat, then I'll die." He whimpered between tears._

 _As gently as he could, Ken slid the girl's eyes closed. She looked almost like she was sleeping._

 _"I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I hope you can forgive me."_

 _Carefully Ken tore off one of her tiny hands. "Thank you for giving me this chance to live. I will always remember you and that you died for me. I hope that this was a mercy killing. That this was a kinder death that what you would have been given had you lived. I'm sorry to have cut your life so short, but you wouldn't have lasted long anyway."_

 _With shaking hands and blurry vision, Ken began to eat..._

* * *

Mukade shot up from his bed, eyed wide and breath ragged. He swallowed, trying to calm himself.

A small tickle brought his attention to his cheek. Brushing his fingers below his eye, Mukade found wetness.

"I'm... crying?" He murmured.

He let out a deep breath and lay back down, covering his eyes with an arm. He had kept his promise to the girl. Every time he ate ghoul meat, his mind would flash back to that day in the tunnel and the innocent life he'd taken. Each time, he'd silently thank the nameless child who'd given him a chance to live.

Mukade rose shakily to his feet. He began to shiver as his sweat-soaked body met the cool air of his room.

He needed a hot shower...

* * *

 _Order your daughters to ignore me, think that will sort me_

 _And sweep me under the rug_

 _And a beating with a book everyone_

 _The book tells you to love_

 _There is an ember in the heart of the kiln_

 _And its burning hot with love_

 _Burning out my sins until there's nothing but dust_

 _Holding me with care into your cigarette_

 _Cause the God I believe in never worked on a campaign trail_

* * *

 **Warnings:** Teen (TV-14) for violence, gore, and strong but scarce profanity. Possible romance, pairings undecided. Probably Touken.

 **Song:** _'Archers'_ by Brand New

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Tokyo Ghoul or the song.

* * *

 **A.N.** Merry Christmas guys!


	7. Chapter 5: Archers (pt 2)

**Chapter Five: The Archer's Bows Are Broken (part 2)**

* * *

 _Order your daughters to ignore me, think that will sort me_

 _And sweep me under the rug_

 _And a beating with a book everyone_

 _The book tells you to love_

 _There is an ember in the heart of the kiln_

 _And its burning hot with love_

 _Burning out my sins until there's nothing but dust_

 _Holding me with care into your cigarette_

 _Cause the God I believe in never worked on a campaign trail_

* * *

Hinami sat crosslegged on the guest bed above Anteiku, a notebook in her lap. She'd spent the last hour trying to translate the unfamiliar kanji from one of the books she'd found in the drawer of the side table.

One particular symbol had completely stumped her, and after a half hour of frustration, she'd decided to take a break from her attempt at reading.

Instead she'd started to doodle in the notebook. The drawings mostly consisted chibi style animals, but she'd attempted drawing several people.

Those hadn't turned out all that well.

Hinami's tongue poked out the side of her mouth as she she tried her hand at drawing a rabbit. She just couldn't get the face right.

A sudden depression on the bed startled Hinami out of her concentration. She looked to see who had sat down beside her to find Irimi Kaya.

"Irimi-san!" Hinami gasped. "Wh-what are you doing here?" She asked, her voice dipping back to her usual quite.

Irimi smiled gently and bumped Hinami gently with her shoulder.

"It's my break time and I decided to come check on you. You're kinda part of the family now, ya know."

"I-I am?"

Irimi nodded. "Everyone at Anteiku is considered family, even the new guy. You and your mom came to us for help, and as long as you're here, we'll take care of you like one of our own."

"Th-thank you Irimi-san."

Irimi bent over Hinami's lap to get a look at the notebook there. "What are you drawing?"

"Oh! Um, I'm just doodling. I was working on my kanji, but got a bit frustrated on one word, so I decided to take a break and draw a bit." Hinami blushed. "I'm not all that good." She mumbled.

Irimi tisked. "Don't be stupid, you're great." She complimented-slash-insulted. "You just don't have a lot of practice, that's all. I'm not sure how good a teacher I'd be for kanji, but I can certainly help you with the drawing stuff."

"Really? You know how to draw?"

Irimi shrugged. "I never took formal lessons or anything, but I enjoy it." She took the notebook from Hinami's lap and started to flip through the drawn-on pages. Hinami's blush grew at someone looking at her doodles. She honestly didn't think they were very good, and was embarrassed to have someone look at them.

"You have a good foundation, and understand anatomy pretty well. That's the most important thing, and often the hardest for artists to get right. As long as you get the anatomy right, the drawing is guaranteed to look good. But it's the perspective and detail you add later that makes it great."

Irimi set the notebook down on the bed and looked up at Hinami.

"How bout you come down to the lounge with me? I've got some sketchbooks down there. I can give you a lesson or two."

"Really?" Hinami gasped, a shy smile appearing are her face.

"Really really."

Irimi stood, offering a hand to Hinami once she was up. The girl took it gratefully and the two made their way down stairs.

For the first time in days, Hinami felt her sorrow lessen enough to honestly feel happy.

It was a welcome change.

* * *

 _What did you learn tonight?_

 _you're shouting so loud you barely enjoy this broken thing_

 _you're a voice that never sings, is what I say_

 _You were freezing over hell_

 _You were bringing on the end, you do so well_

 _You can only blame yourself, it's what I say_

* * *

Mukade stepped out from the shower and wrapped his lower half in a towel.

He caught his reflection in the mirror, and what he saw made him turn fully to stare. The person staring back at him was almost unrecognizable from the little boy he'd once been.

His white hair was tangled and dripping wet, shaggy and always in his eyes. It had once been black, like his mother. But now, the bleached strands were a constant reminder of the trauma he'd gone through three years ago.

"Marie Antoinette Syndrome. The whitening of hair due to extreme stress or fear." He muttered to himself.

Beneath the stark white hair was an equally pale face with gaunt cheekbones and dark ringed eyes.

His neck was thin, his collar bone protruding. The muscles of his chest and abdomen were tones and strong, but hardly did anything to the almost emaciated appearance.

Scars were scattered across his flesh like constellations. Even with his insane healing abilities, some wounds were so traumatic they left a permanent reminder.

The knuckles of his fingers and toes carried rings of twisted flesh. Thick lines stretched over his Achilles heals and raised flesh criss-crossed his body in the spontaneous manner in which Jason cut.

On his back, stretching from shoulder blade to shoulder blade was a think scar. His first gift from Arima.

On his right him was a mass of slightly raised flesh, the reminder of being doused in gasoline and lit on fire.

Spanning in a half circle, starting at his belly button and ending at the small of his back, was the reminder of being almost cut in half just a few months ago.

A second reminder form that night was a circular mark on his shoulder.

Beneath his left eye sat a small scar while another took a knick out of the nearby ear.

All in all, Mukade was worn, scarred, and cracked. But he had yet to shatter.

A bony hand brushed against the red ink on his left side.

Spanning from the base of his neck to just above his pant line was a winding tattoo of a centipede.

It had been Uta's idea, and the eccentric ghoul had insisted he mark Mukade's side. He'd given in after a few minutes of Uta explaining (ranting) about the beauty of tattoos and why one would be a perfect addition to Mukade's appearance.

The whole process was exhausting and took forever. First Uta needed a month to make the specialized ink for the tattoo. The mask maker had somehow found a way to turn a kagune's secretion into ink. Normal ink would be rejected by the ghoul's body and thus useless. The process was painstaking and tedious, but the result was amazing. The needle had to be name of quinque steel (Mukade honestly didn't want to know where he got that from) and the ghoul had to be weakened.

Usually that would be done with an injection in the eye, much like what Jason did. Mukade refused to have the needle anywhere near him, almost going into a full blown panic attack.

So he had to starve himself for three months for his body to be weak enough to ink.

The tattoo itself had taken half a day for Uta to complete, but when it was finished, even Mukade had to say it was amazing.

The ink was the same shade of red as his kagune. The head of the centipede rested on the muscled spot between his shoulder and where it connected to his neck. The head was simple, but around it was a sun-like halo.

The segmented body was drawn so that five hundred rounded shapes stretched over the length of Mukade's side, a small amount of space between each mark to show that they were each individual pieces of armour.

One thousand tediously drawn legs appeared to be crawling up Mukade's body. The tail ended at the small of his back, right were the base of his kakuja would appear.

The body art would have been painful to anyone else, but to Mukade it was a tickle.

Sometimes he wondered if he even had any pain receptors left.

Dismissing the man in the mirror, Mukade left the bathroom and went to get ready for his day off.

Hopefully nothing would go wrong. But knowing his luck, it was sure to...

* * *

 _Who do you carry the torch for, my young man?_

 _Do you believe in anything?_

 _Do you carry it around just to burn things to the ground?_

* * *

Mukade had spent the last hour and half spending time with Hide at his college. The energetic young man had shown him around the entire campus, introducing him to all his friends and going on and on about his classes, the attractive teacher he had for history, and the 'stick-up-the-ass' mathematics professor he could barely stand.

Around noon the two sat down at the cafeteria for lunch.

That's when things took an unusual turn.

"I wonder what this would taste like to them..." Hide mumbled as he twisted his noodles around his chopsticks.

Mukade's brow lifted. "Who?"

Hide blinked, like he hadn't expected his friend to hear. "Oh, I was just wondering, if a ghoul were to eat this, what it would taste like to them."

Mukade almost chocked on his canned coffee. Where the hell had that question come from?!

He couldn't stop the reply of, "Probably like shit." Mukade nearly face palmed for the answer. It was bound to only encourage Hide, and bring suspicion to himself.

"You think so?" Hide asked. Before Mukade could answer (though he wasn't planning to) Hide continued. "I read that a ghoul's taste buds are different from a human's, so some things taste really gross to them. Like human food."

Mukade just shrugged.

"I've been thinking about ghouls a lot actually. They're a really interesting subject. So little is known about them. Like, why do they have to eat humans? How does their kagune work? It's fascinating."

Mukade cracked his knuckle nervously. This wasn't good. Not at all. Hide's curiosity could get him killed. Mukade himself might end up having to do the deed, if the human became a threat.

"Curiosity killed that cat, you know." Mukade pointed out, hopping to dissuade Hide.

"Yeah, but satisfaction brought it back." The human countered with a laugh.

Mukade sighed. The guy was impossible.

"Just be careful, okay?"

Hide gave a lop-sided grin. "Of course." He suddenly stood, as if remembering something. "Oh! I need to get a disk from on of the upperclassmen!"

Hide tossed his empty noodles into a trashcan before dragging Mukade to his feet and towards the university's dorms.

"Come with me. I don't really want to be alone with this guy. There's just something off about him."

Mukade followed behind the excitable human, slightly confused. He couldn't think of Hide disliking anyone. Then again, the blond's ability to read a person was almost frightening. That had been another reason why Mukade had wanted to tell Hide his secret when they were children. He knew that his friend would find out himself sooner or later. Most likely sooner.

* * *

 _What did you learn tonight?_

 _you're shouting so loud you barely enjoy this broken thing_

 _you're a voice that never sings, is what I say_

 _You were freezing over hell_

 _You were bringing on the end, you do so well_

 _You can only blame yourself, it's what I say_

* * *

The upperclassman proved to be non other than the ghoul Mukade had met the night before. The two stared each other down, daring the other to look away. Glasses broke eye contact first.

Mukade learned from Hide that 'Glasses' was actually named Nishio Nishiki. He'd also learned (father unfortunately) what Nishio's human lady-friend looked like. Hide really needed to learn how to knock.

After searching through the cluttered room for the needed disk, Nishio declared that it must be at his place.

Mukade of course didn't believe that bull shit lie. They were standing in his 'place'. Why on earth would he have another apartment when he already had a dorm of campus?

At Hide's urging, Mukade went 'home', leaving the human and ghoul to go to an unknown location.

Mukade, of course, didn't go home. Instead, he followed after the two, keeping just out of earshot.

After several blocks, the two stopped in front of an alleyway.

"Here we are." Nishio announced with a wave of his hand.

Hide stopped in his tracks, staring in confusion at the dead end. Before he could ask what the hell they were doing there, Nishio casually kicked him with force enough to send Hide crashing into the other side of the alley.

Mukade's eyes narrowed and his fist clinched. Bastard.

The glasses wearing ghoul strolled over to Hide's limp form. Mukade stalked after, keeping to the shadows.

Nishio have a long suffering sigh. "You really piss me off, you know that Nagachika?" He told the unconscious human.

So he had an annoying habit of talking to those who couldn't hear him.

"You stuck your nose where it didn't belong. You're dangerous. Way too perceptive for your own good." He sneered. "Plus, you look pretty delicious."

Nishio bent over, ready to tear into Hide.

Mukade snarled. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He growled, stepping out of the shadows.

Nishio jumped away from Hide, surprise evident. He really was oblivious.

"What the hell do you want?" Snapped the full-blooded ghoul.

"I want you to step away from my friend, that's what I want."

Nishio barked a laugh. "So _you_ want to eat him then? Sorry, but finders keepers."

"Hide is _not_ food." Mukade hissed.

Nishio rose an eyebrow. "Really? Why the hell would you keep a human around if not to eat it later?"

"Then why havn't you eaten that girlfriend of yours yet?" Mukade sneered.

Nishio expression grew dark and defensive. "Kimi's a tool, nothing else. I use her to blend in. If it comes to it, I'll gladly eat her." He spat.

Mukade smelled the lie clear as day, but made no comment.

Nishio grinned maliciously at the half-ghoul. "Nagachika's mine. Go get your own." With that, the glasses wearing ghoul released his kagune. The florescent blue bikaku twisted around his leg. He lifted said leg, letting the razor sharp tip extend beyond his foot. He was going to impale Hide's head with his kagune.

Mukade lunged with an animalistic roar. Nishio had no time to react as the half-ghoul slammed into him, forcing the ghoul away from his friend.

Four rinkaku ripped through Mukade's shirt. Nishio crouched, body tense and ready for the fight.

He had a confident sneer on his face, certain his bikaku could beat Mukade's rinkaku. The tail-like kagune normally would beat the scaled type, but not Mukade's. The Centipede's rinkaku was one of the strongest in existence.

With a savage smile, Mukade sprang forward, rinkaku lashing out at the other ghoul. Nishio wove between the red limbs, barely missing being hit on several occasions. His confident expression fell at realizing he was up against a powerful opponent.

Mukade feinted to the side, causing the bikaku ghoul to leave his left side open. Two rinkaku impaled Nishio in his unguarded side, ripping easily into his flesh. The long tentacles twisted around the screaming ghoul, waving him around. Blood splattered everywhere was Nishio was tossed around.

Bored already, Mukade threw the injured ghoul up, where he became caught on a fire escape in a tangled, bloody mess.

Rinkaku returning to their place inside Mukade's back, he cautiously approached Hide.

A nasty bruise was forming on his forehead, but other than that and being covered in Nishio's blood, the human looked fine.

Mukade rocked on his heels, letting out a sigh of relief.

"I swear Hide, you're gonna be the death of me one day..."

* * *

 _Feels like we could escape this_

 _I might throw it away for fear of the silver sun_

 _If you try running a maze of your lies_

 _It's too hard to save you've thrown out everyone_

* * *

 **But suddenly you're ripped into being alive. And life is pain, and life is suffering, and life is horror, but my god you're alive and it's spectacular.**

 **-Joseph Campbell**

* * *

 **Warnings:** Teen (TV-14) for violence, gore, and strong but scarce profanity. Possible romance, pairings undecided. Probably Touken.

 **Song:** _'Archers'_ by Brand New

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Tokyo Ghoul or the song.

* * *

 **A.N.**

I made a youtube playlist featuring the songs used in this fic, including some yet to be published.

Sorry for the spaces.

: / / w w w . ? = _ F

I'm starting on another Tokyo Ghoul fic, this one focusing on Eto. Working title is 'Rusted Birdcage'.

Here's my working summary:

'No, no... she was gone. He'd left her here, hidden from the doves. Where was his daughter?! Kuzen fell to his knees and shrieked.' Fourteen years later, the One-Eyed Owl arose from ash and destruction, and Yoshimura found the missing piece of his heart. But will Eto forgive her abandonment, or will her hatred for the world extend to her father as well?'

On another note, I'm thinking of including 'information chapters' a bit like the manga does when it has a page showing a ghoul's or dove's profile. I'd write out one or two profiles, as well as some facts (be it history, biology, theories, or just some fun tidbits). They'd be short, less than 1k words, but they'd all be posted right before or after a new chapter. Thoughts?

Till next time!

-Pencil

 **Up Next:** _Chapter Six 'House of Wolves'_ The consequences of Nishio's attack are addressed, Hide might just know more than he should, and Touka learns the truth.


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